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ماجراهای کاربران: (۱) دختر دو رگه

در مجموعه یادداشت‌های «ماجراهای کاربران» روایت‌هایی واقعی یا نزدیک به واقعیت از مخاطبان کتابخانه‌های عمومی ایران نقل می‌شود تا مبنای تحلیل و آسیب‌شناسی قرار گیرد. نخستین شماره از فروست را می‌خوانیم:

ماجراهای کاربران: (۱) دختر دو رگه

سال‌های زندگی‌ام گذشت بدون اینکه بفهمم واقعاً چه کسی هستم. همیشه آرزویم بود مثل بقیه دخترها باشم، یک دختر عادی، مدرسه برم، بازی کنم، درس بخونم و … اما نشد. مادرم ایرانی بود و پدرم افغان!

فرزند آخری خانواده پنج نفری که همه خواهر ـ برادرهایم از من بزرگ‌تر بودند و درس خوانده بودند و ازدواج کرده بودند. اما من شناسنامه ایرانی نداشتم، زمانی که نوبت به تولد من رسید آسمان تپید و به من شناسنامه ندادند، بقیه بچه‌های خانواده از طریق مادرم شناسنامه ایرانی داشتند ولی من نه! حالا می‌فهمید چرا می‌گویم که بی‌هویت و دورگه‌ام!؟ می‌فهمید حس بی‌هویتی یعنی چه؟ حس پوچی و سردرگمی!

احساس اینکه در هیچ چیز حق انتخاب نداشتی و نداری. تا ۱۵ سالگی‌ام همیشه احساس کمبود اعتماد به نفس داشتم با کسی نه دوست بودم نه دوست داشتم تا اینکه …

با بچه خواهرم ملیحه به کتابخانه روستا رفتیم. تا حالا نرفته بودم و اصلاً برایم جالب نبود. هر چند سواد خواندن و نوشتن را در خانه، خواهرهایم به من آموخته بودند، ولی علاقه ای به کتاب نداشتم. آن جمعه به اصرار ملیحه به کتابخانه روستا رفتیم، قشنگ‌تر از چیزی بود که تصور می‌کردم. یک سالن بزرگ پر از کتاب و پر از بچه‌های شاد و خوشحال که هر کدام با اشتیاق کتاب‌ها رو از قفسه برمی‌داشتند و ورق می‌زدند و تعریف می‌کردند:

ـ من این داستان را خواندم، اینجایش خیلی خنده‌داره!

از صدای خنده کودکانشان دلم گرفت. غمی عجیب در تنم ریخت. اشک در چشمانم جمع شد. ای کاش من هم…

ناگهان دستی روی کتفم قرار گرفت و صدای شاد و آشنایی به گوشم رسید:

ـ سلام زهرا جان، چه عجب ما شما را دیدیم، پارسال همسایه و امسال ان شا الله عضو کتابخونه.

و خندید، برگشتم، دختر همسایمون راضیه، کتابدار کتابخانه روستایمان بود. دستم را کشید و به سمت قفسه کتاب‌های جدید برد. پر بود از داستان و زندگی‌نامه، روانشناسی و کودک و …

نگاهم را از کتاب‌ها برگرفتم. اصلاً حوصله ی کتاب خواندن نداشتم. زندگی‌ام خیلی خالی بود، کتاب چه به درد بی‌درمان من می‌خورد.

اما راضیه دست‌بردار نبود، مدام کتابها را برایم ورق می‌زد و از هر کدام گوشه‌ای از آن را تعریف می‌کرد، شاید باب طبع من باشد و جذبم کند. و ناگهان حس عجیبی من را جذب زندگی‌نامه مادر ترزا کرد. از تغییر نگاهم فهمید و سریع کتاب را دستم داد و گفت: ببر بخوانش و هفته دیگر بیاور و برایم تعریف کن. و لبخند زیبایی زد، دلم گرم شد. چقدر خوب است کسی بهت اهمیت بدهد. ولی سریع به او برگرداندم و گفتم: من عضو کتابخانه نیستم و نمی‌توانم. کتاب را به من برگرداند و گفت: من داخل کارت خودم می‌نویسم و اگر دوست داشتی می‌توانی هفته آینده بیایی و عضو کتابخانه بشوی. یعنی واقعاً می‌توانستم؟ کتاب را گرفتم.

هفته آینده شد. برای من بهترین هفته عمرم بود. کتاب خیلی قشنگ بود. حس کردم آدمای دنیا هم مثل من هستند، با همون حس‌های تنهایی، مهربونی، غصه و شادی و آرزوها …

با خوشحالی کتاب رو برداشتم و این هفته زودتر از ملیحه به دنبالش رفتم. خواهرم تعجب کرده بود. ملیحه سریع آماده شد و حرکت کردیم. وقتی رسیدیم کتابخانه یک راست به سمت راضیه رفتم. داشت کتاب‌های برگشتی را وارد می‌کرد. صبر کردم تا سرش خلوت شود. نگاهش را بلند کرد و با لبخند گفت: سلام زهرا جان! چه خبر؟ کتاب را خواندی؟

با اشتیاق همه مطالبی که در ذهنم مانده بود را برایش تعریف کردم. با حوصله به حرف‌هایم گوش داد. حس مهم بودن و مورد توجه بودن چقدر برایم شیرین و لذت‌بخش بود. بعد از ۱۰ دقیقه بقیه بچه‌ها کتاب به دست آمدند. من کنار رفتم تا مزاحم کسی نباشم. راضیه یک ببخشید به بقیه گفت و بلند شد. دستم را گرفت و به سمت قفسه زندگی‌نامه مشاهیر دنیا برد. وای چقدر زندگی‌نامه، ذوق زده یکی‌یکی برمی‌داشتم . راضیه خندید و گفت: یواش زهرا جان، نترس خیلی زیاده، حالا حالاها باید مهمون ما باشی! و رفت تا به کار بقیه بچه‌ها برسد.

من در دنیای خاطرات زندگی مردم جهان غرق شده بودم، چقدر جالب بود. آدم‌های مهم دنیا هم روزی یک انسان معمولی بودند و حتی پایین‌تر و چقدر زندگیشان سخت و طاقت‌فرسا بوده است وای خدای من! دکتر حسابی چه دوران سختی در کودکی داشته است. انیشتین، ادیسون و … هر چه بیشتر می‌خواندم می‌فهمیدم دنیا برای همه آدم‌ها سخت است و تنها من نیستم که مشکل دارم. افراد معلولی که توانستند دنیا را تغییر دهند و با همه سختی‌ها مبارزه کردن و حتی رئیس جمهور شدن …

کتاب‌های زیادی برداشتم مجموعاً ۸ تا می‌شد، خیلی زیاد بود. رفتم جلو و به راضیه گفتم: چند کتاب می‌تونم بردارم؟

راضیه گفت: هر چقدر دوست داری، کتاب برای خواندنه!

خوشحال گفتم: یعنی می‌تونم ۸ تا کتاب رو ببرم؟

او در جواب من لبخندی زد و گفت: وای ۸ تا، ما شا الله کتاب‌خون شدی، باشه چون اول راهی! ولی مطمئنی می‌توانی در یک هفته ۸ تا کتاب را بخوانی؟

با ذوق و خوشحالی گفتم: آره، من وقت خالی خیلی دارم، می‌توانم!

با لبخند همیشگی‌اش گفت: بسیار خوب!

زندگی تازه‌ای به دست آورده بودم، حس زندگی و کشف دنیای بزرگ‌تر؟ نمی‌توانم توضیح بدهم. درکش فقط برای کسی ممکن است که مثل من باشد، کسی که همیشه خودش را محدود و بی‌ارزش می‌دانسته و …

رفتم کتابخانه، این هفته می‌خواستم اسم بنویسم و عضو کتابخانه شوم بالاخره جایی بود در این دنیا که من را قبول کند. وارد کتابخانه شدم این هفته خودم تنهایی آمده بودم. ملیحه سرما خورده بود. راضیه مشغول مرتب کردن قفسه کتاب‌ها بود. رفتم نزدیکش سلام کردم و همه کتاب‌هایی که داخل پاکت بود را نشانش دادم. چشمانش از تعجب گرد شده بود، گفت: واقعاً همه‌اش را خواندی؟ گفتم: آره و خندیدم. نمی‌دانست برای من تشنه، کتابخانه زلال‌ترین آب دنیاست.

تنها رفیق و مونس و همدمم شده بود کتاب‌های کتابخانه!

راضیه اسم من رو نوشت روی یک کارت کاغذی! یا اسم و مشخصات خودم چاپ کرد و عکس ۳ در ۴ رنگی‌ام را روی کارت چسباند. اوه خدای من! من، من یه کارت داشتم، یک کارت با مشخصات خودِ خودم!

همیشه کارتم را روی کتاب‌هایم می‌گذاشتم و به کتابخانه می‌بردم، دوست داشتم پیدا باشد، پیدا باشم من هم هستم، وجود دارم من هستم. دختر ۱۶ ساله، زهرا خ فرزند م متولد ایران، استان اصفهان … و این من بودنم خیلی برایم باارزش بود.

یک‌سال گذشت و من هر هفته به کتابخانه می‌رفتم، در این یک سال من بزرگ شدم، قد کشیدم و اعتماد به نفس و غرورم زیاد شد. در مورد کتاب‌ها همیشه با راضیه حرف می‌زدم، بچه‌های کوچک‌تر دورم جمع می‌شدند و قصه‌های آدم‌های مهم را برایشان تعریف می‌کردم و آن‌ها با اشتیاق گوش می‌دادند. راضیه تشویق و ترغیب کننده قصه‌خوانی هفتگی من برای بچه‌ها شده بود و هر هفته به من کتاب‌های بیشتر می‌داد.

زمستان بود و باران خیلی تندی می‌بارید ولی برای من مهم نبود. باید به کتابخانه می‌رفتم و کتاب‌های جدیدی که قولش را از راضیه گرفته بودم، تحویل می‌گرفتم. در کتابخانه نیمه‌باز بود. سریع به داخل کتابخانه دویدم و کفش‌هایم را پایین راه‌پله درآوردم. خیس شده بود. می‌خواستم سریع برسم. پله‌ها را دوتا یکی کردم و به سمت میز امانت کتابخانه به دو رفتم، اما راضیه نبود یک خانم مسن‌تر ایستاده بود. با تعجب نگاهش کردم و گفتم: راضیه خانم نیستند؟ گفت: نه، امروز نمی‌آیند؟ امری داشتید؟ کتاب‌های برگشتی را همراه کارتم روی میز گذاشتم. کارت را برداشت و اسمم را تایپ کرد. مثل همیشه سروقت کتاب‌های جدید رفتم. اما خیلی زود مسئول جدید کتابخانه صدایم زد:

ـ ببخشید، مطمئن هستید کارت و مشخصات همین است؟

گفتم: آره.

ـ ولی پروفایلتان کامل نیست، مدارکتون رو کامل نیاوردید، کارت ملی، شناسنامه و …

خشکم زد. نگاهش کردم، نگاهش سرد بود. سرد درست مثل هوای بارانی کوچه! قلبم شروع به تپیدن کرد، دوباره نه؛ من بی‌هویت نیستم من زهرا هستم یک دختر ایران متولد شده، عضو کتابخانه، من دنیا آمده‌ام هستم ببین وجود دارم … اما این‌ها فقط از ذهنم می‌گذشت، سکوت را شکست:

ـ متاسفم، نمی‌توانید کتاب بگیرید. مدارکتون کامل نیست. لطفاً کارت ملی یا فتوکپی از شناسنامه‌تون رو بیاورید.

سکوت، تنها سکوت بود …

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در کشورهای در حال توسعه، ادبیات کودکان و کتابخانه‌های آن‌ها غالباً مورد بی‌توجهی قرار می‌گیرد …

314 دیدگاه

  1. سلام واقعا تلخ بود و ناراحت کننده برای من ایرانی

  2. فیلم نژاد پرستی سفید های آمریکا را میبینیم …
    کی میرسه ک فیلم ما پخش بشه …

  3. سلام دوستان 🙂
    ان شاالله با ظهور امام زمان ع همه ی مشکلات حل مشود،به امید ظهورش صلوات

  4. سلام عزیزان
    به نظر من همین که فکر و ذهنیت ما عوض بشه و سعی کنیم از نگاه دیگران به موضوع نگاه کنیم باارزشه،من تلاش خودمرا میکنم شما چطور؟ ان شاالله همه باهم ایران را بالا ببریم .

  5. سلام
    به نظرمن باید مسولین فکری کنن و راه حلی برای این معضل پیدا شود،بلاخره راه چاره ای هست همه مون مسلمان هستیم وحدت جامعه ی اسلامی ایجاب میکنه این مسئله زودتر حل بشود. به امید خدا

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